1) When people try to talk to you before you’ve had your morning coffee.
“I’m going to need you to walk away from me.”
2) When you agree to go to the gym with your super fit friend and it turns out to be a lot less fun than it sounded.
“Is there a place next door where I can wait for you to finish up? A Chipotle, maybe? I burned 100 calories just now, that’s about the same as a burrito, right?”
3) When you’ve screwed up royally at work and you’re praying your boss doesn’t notice.
“Oh, that? I’m pretty sure that was Barry the temp. Not me. Certainly not me.”
4) When you’ve had too much spiked eggnog at the office Christmas party and you’re trying to play it cool.
“Just act normal. Totally normal. Am I blinking? How do I usually blink? Oh God, here comes Kathy.”
5) When your favorite show ends with a cliffhanger involving the fate of your favorite character and you just knew it would happen like this.
“You’re kidding me. You’re not kidding me? That’s–that’s it? That’s where it ends? I swear to God, if it turns out he’s been hiding under the dumpster all this time I am literally going to flip my sh*t.”
6) When you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your roommate finished your cereal and put the empty box back in the cupboard, but she won’t fess up to it.
“Just admit it, Rebekah, I saw the half finished bowl of fruit loops you left in the sink.”
7) When it’s only Monday morning and you already can’t deal.
“Just going to lie here and mentally calculate how many sick days I have left instead of getting up and getting ready.”
8) When Tuesday arrives and morale still hasn’t improved.
9) When Bae is stingy with his fries, even though the only reason you didn’t order your own was because you thought it would be nice to share.
“Nope, don’t worry about me, I didn’t want them anyway.”
10) When you look at the time and realize how long you’ve actually been binge watching Netflix.
“WHAT YEAR IS THIS?”
11) When you decide to partake in Whole 30 but delicious, buttery foods are everywhere you turn.
“If I eat this and no one is around to see, the calories don’t count, right?”
12) When your alarm clock goes off before you’re ready to wake up.
“God have mercy on my soul.”
13) When the Presidential Election coverage literally makes you want to pack your bags and leave the country immediately.
“I’ve always thought I would make a good Canadian.”
14) When you make it to the weekend after a particularly excruciating week and realize that, for the next two days, you don’t have to talk to a single other human being if you so choose.
*Long, happy sigh*